I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
