u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
