I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
