the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize