before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
