I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize