Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
