So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
