I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
