; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
