my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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