i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Randomize
