I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
