His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
