1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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