don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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