So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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