He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
