i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
