just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
