There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
