I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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