I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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