PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
