3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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