Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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