this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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