i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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