I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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