last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize