this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
