id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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