I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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