next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
