A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
