Swine flu. Run for my life!
wanna go halves on a baby?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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