if you like me you must not know who I am
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
