It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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