When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize