I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
