i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize