ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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