i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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