Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
