Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
