Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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