So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
