Can i not drive my cunt home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
