Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
