we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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