I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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