Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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