I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
