when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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