I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize