he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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