Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
