i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
