O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
