I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
