I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
