What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
