i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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