I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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