All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize