Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
