sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
