So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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