your room smells of hookers.
And success
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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