i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
