you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
