I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
