I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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