Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
