i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
