I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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