Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
