we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
