ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
