Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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