Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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