she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
