just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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