Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
