yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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