What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
