you guys were way drunker than both of me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
