it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
