There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
