Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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