I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
