I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
