Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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