i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize