we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
