I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
