I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
