i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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