she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
