I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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