you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
