Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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