overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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