if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
