Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
