He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
