new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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