He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize