watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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