I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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