ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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