I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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