yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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