Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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